Im not buying it Daddy!

It started when i was very young. We went to an optician , me and my dad long long ago to buy specs for me.It was a small shop.Located on the main road with the buzzings and honkings of the countless buses in madras there seemed nothing special about silence. We crossed the road while he held my hand and i danced as usual like it was my daddys road:P Crossing roads is a task altogether.Anyway we came to the entrance when the owner was sendding out an old man hurling some abuses in tamil. Now tamil is a sharp language. you might as well thinks your abusing all the time. The tones and modulations are not exactly graceful ( like my telugu:P ) The old man fell down in front and sat with his begging bowl outside. i looked at my dad who had a "im not affected by this"look. i was aghast! dad! my own dad!!!

i gobbled my emotions while my throat felt dry. My dad is a piece of my heart i must tell you. and no amount of words can ever describe how much i adore him. His word would always mean everything to me. He didnt speak much though. He still doesnt. Dads!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I moved my hand away from my hand as a gesture of disrespect and anger at him. i expected him to help the old man! at least. i think i was a meagre ten then. But somewhere i knew the difference between inaction and helplessness. My dad did not realise this action of anger and contempt.

i thought id cry and hed give me attention he didnt. he was looking at something else inside signalling me to come in. I came into the hells shop. there was a man who looked young and cruel.He showed different things to dad.All i remember is i said gold. The frame color i reckon. Dad and the cruel man went inside.

I looked around. Forming my strategy. My contingency plan.Its in the end my kingdom cos my feet were on it!I felt a surge of energy and the intention to right some wrong. I wasnt even sure what. i picked 3 pairs of specs that looked packed ( i guess someones elses orders) and hid it in my dangrees pockets.

That was my first steal:P Its an intimate grin i must say. That day i recall acknowledging "getting back with a vengeance woman" kind of feel to myself. Thats another thing you know. We are all makers of our karmas. not of destinies though. Every life gives us an opportunity to right our wrong or wrong our rights Sometimes wrongs for love could be more "karmic" than rights for wrongs. So i felt gratified. queened. The first time i guess i had a leap into my individuality. I realised much later though that we are all makers of our actions.

I did not regret stealing it! it was my cute way of mutiny:P ( unjustified yeah but i was a kid! ) i did not like what is aw and wanted to give back something theyd not like:P imagine coming back home and having a lingering thought about what else you could have done! anyway i beamed like the sun when dad and the cruel man came out. i told him no gold. want to go.I said"Im not buying it daddy"

some more talks and we left. i came home and behaved normal. while guilt ate me inside for stealing and pride filled me inside for justice:P so called! i never told my dad. Just hid it somwehere. i think a month or a year later ( not sure could be more ) my dad found it and asked mum and me what it was. I too had forgotten about it. And then i remeeberd my first truimph as a warrior!!!:P i told him"you were wrong" he looked at me dazed and said"ok". My My that killed me. he accepted it without knowing why i said. Then i behaved normal for 2-3 days more. I felt guilty. My sweet dad. I rushed into his arms and said dadwhy didnt you help that old man there? Of course he didnt remeebr and i rewinded it to him.

He said"sorry i should have" and voila like a slap all that truimph flew away from my soul. I felt so relaxed.He liberated me.Im not sure what we did with the specs cause i rememeber we were in some new place which was far from the old.

Many years later somehow this topic came up when my neice was looking to buy specs. He then told me " The old man was senile dear. He was the storekeepers father and liked to beg.Thats all"

I said:why didnt you tell me earlier dad?" ( I must be 15 )

He said: I wasnt sure youde understand what senility meant at ten:P"

I didnt know what to say. My first triumph was a hoax. I lived years feeling proud of such small things!I said"Im not buying it daddy" again and he smiled:)